G                                C                D

Hey honey have you gained some weight in your rear-end

G                               C          D
The dress you wear reminds me of my old girlfriend

Em              D                  C                  G
And where'de you get those shoes i think there pretty lame

Em              D                  C                   G
would you stop talking 'cause im trying to watch the game



(chorus)

Em                 G
If your a man who wants to live

Em              G
a long and happy life

Em                     D                   G 
these are the things you don't say to your wife.


G                        C                  D
I planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday

G                   C              D
I didn't ask you but i knew i'de be ok

Em             D                C            G   
Go make some dinner while i watch this fishing show

Em             D         C         G
I taped it over our old wedding video


(chorus)

G                         C               D
Your cooking is ok but not like mother makes

G                         C               D
The diamond in the ring i bought you is a fake

Em             D              C           G
Your eyes look puffy dear, are you feeling ill

Em          D          C            G
Happy aniversary i bought you a treadmill


(chorus)

Em              G                 Em              G    
If you a man who doesn't want to get killed with a knife,

Em                         D              G
These are the things you don't say to your wife.