egg nog spreads joy around,
elves telling me to 'double down'
most holidays, i'll just mope,
instead of losing money on a river boat

let it snow let it snow let it ride,
watered down screwdriver cost me $5
lost my shirt at the reindeer track,
if i keep betting i might win it back

CHORUS

santa's going ho-ho-ho,
keno under mistletoe
from the north pole to reno,
it's christmas in the casino

twas the night before christmas and all through the house
pathetic losers were getting soused
i down by un-told sums,
kris kringle wants to take my thumbs
donner and blitzen are by my side,
the dice are loaded and so am i
winning straight is just too hard,
i've got the rainman counting cards.

jingle slots -- chestnuts hot -- jingle slots

silent night, holy night
spinning wheels, neon lights
round yon pit boss, Siegfried and Roy
as i sign over the deed to the island of misfit toys
for rolling another snake eyes,
rolling another snake eyes

left milk and cookies by the roulette wheel
i'm headed out to the blood mobile
i want to spend the holidays at home
instead

i'm gonna die alone

(then all the reindeer loved him)