intro bass notes:    C# - Ab F#  C# - F# Ab

  C#m7                           Amaj7
I thought it was a joke when you called me up
   F#m              F#m7
And said you needed ironing
           Amaj7                  A6
There were creases in your facial lining
          F
Won't you have a little rest when they turn out the lights
  
A nice cup of tea and you'll be feeling alright
                     Bb    C          Bb
Don't fret, you'll recover yet you'll see
                         C                 F
So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me
C    E  F       C    E  F       C    E  F
Back to me      back to me      back to me

  C#m7                           Amaj7
I thought it was a lark when you phoned my dad
    F#m                                   F#m7
And told him that you'd have to catch the measles
       Amaj7                               A6
You're flesh was being ripped to shreds by weasels
          F
Won't you have a little rest when they turn out the lights
    
A nice cup of tea and you'll be feeling alright
                     Bb    C          Bb
Don't fret, you'll recover yet you'll see
                         C                 F 
So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me
C    E  F       C    E  F       C    E  F
Back to me      back to me      back to me
      G              G/F#            G/E         G/D
T'was on the Norfolk Broads, we were punting one day
      G              G/F#        G/E G/D
You received a nasty bump on the he--ead
           G              G/F#       G/E         G/D
And you've never been the same since needless to say
      Gm                 Gm/F      Eb
How I wish it could have been me instead
  Gm                 Gm/F       Ebmaj7       Am  Gm
I wish it could have been me inste-------ead

{Instrumental]
Am7  Gm7  Am7  Gm7  Am7  Gm7

Am    F/C    G     Am
[pattern repeats  3x]

Am    F/C    G    F G Am Bdim C   Bdim 

  C#m7                            Amaj7
I thought it was a prank when you wired the Pope
   F#m                      F#m7
To say you'd a vision of an aardvark
        Amaj7                           Bdim
Who was perpetrating ghastly deeds with Saint Ma--aa----ark
          F
Won't you have a little rest when they turn out the lights
  
A nice cup of tea and you'll be feeling alright
                     Bb    C          Bb
Don't fret, you'll recover yet you'll see
                         C                 Bb
So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me
                         C                 Bb
So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me
                         C                 F
So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me
C    E  F       C    E  F       C    E  F
Back to me      back to me      back to me


Am   F/C   G    Am 
[instrumental playout to fade over this repeating pattern]

E|E|-----------------------------------------------------|-----|

[More complex for keyboard...]

intro bass notes:    C# - Ab F#  C# - F# Ab

  C#m7                           Amaj7
I thought it was a joke when you called me up
   Bbdim
And said you needed ironing
           A                      Bbdim
There were creases in your facial lining
          F/C           F/D            F/E          F/D
Won't you have a little rest when they turn out the lights
  F/C         F/D               F/E       F/D
A nice cup of tea and you'll be feeling alright
      F/C            Bb    C          Bb
Don't fret, you'll recover yet you'll see
                         C                 F
So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me
C    E  F       C    E  F       C    E  F
Back to me      back to me      back to me

  C#m7                           Amaj7
I thought it was a lark when you phoned my dad
    Bbdim
And told him that you'd have to catch the measles
       A                                   Bbdim
You're flesh was being ripped to shreds by weasels
          F/C           F/D            F/E          F/D
Won't you have a little rest when they turn out the lights
  F/C         F/D               F/E       F/D   
A nice cup of tea and you'll be feeling alright
      F/C            Bb    C          Bb
Don't fret, you'll recover yet you'll see
                         C                 F 
So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me
C    E  F       C    E  F       C    E  F
Back to me      back to me      back to me
      G              G/F#            G/E         G/D
T'was on the Norfolk Broads, we were punting one day
      G              G/F#        G/E G/D
You received a nasty bump on the he--ead
           G              G/F#       G/E         G/D
And you've never been the same since needless to say
      Gm                 Gm/F      Eb
How I wish it could have been me instead
  Gm                 Gm/F       Ebmaj7       Am  Gm
I wish it could have been me inste-------ead

{Instrumental]
Am7  Gm7  Am7  Gm7  Am7  Gm7

Am    F/C    G     Am
[pattern repeats  3x]

Am    F/C    G    F G Am Bdim C   Bdim 

  C#m7                            Amaj7
I thought it was a prank when you wired the Pope
   Bbdim                    A  
To say you'd a vision of an aardvark
        Bbdim                           Bdim    C#m7/B  Bbdim
Who was perpetrating ghastly deeds with Saint Ma--aa----ark
          F/C           F/D            F/E          F/D
Won't you have a little rest when they turn out the lights
  F/C         F/D               F/E       F/D
A nice cup of tea and you'll be feeling alright
      F/C            Bb    C          Bb
Don't fret, you'll recover yet you'll see
                         C                 Bb
So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me
                         C                 Bb
So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me
                         C                 F
So keep on sending dirty postcards back to me
C    E  F       C    E  F       C    E  F
Back to me      back to me      back to me


Am   F/C   G    Am 
[instrumental playout to fade over this repeating pattern]