D                                              Am        G
If the television licence man comes at a quarter to three
        D                                             Am        G
and the fictionalized characters are becoming a reality
        D                                             Am        G
and the Channel 4 woman tries to spring a survey on me
D   
what d'you think of Diverse Reports?
                         Am G
what do you think of ITV?
            D          G
and you can stand back one to ten
    A    D     G   A                  Em
and see, and you, and it’s getting to me
           D         G             A
and if you walk five miles just to see
D         G    A                   Em
Emergency Only and it’s getting to me

       D                                       Am       G
If the TV detector van comes at a quarter to four
        D                                                  Am   G
and you try to explain you were just on your way out the door
        D                                               Am      G
and the church hall woman tries to spring a survey on me
D
what do you think of MORI-polls?
                                Am      G
what do you think of Billy Cosby?
            D           G
and you can stand back one to ten
     A    D                   G      A                   Em
and see, and you should know better, and it’s getting to me
           D         G             A
and if you walk five miles just to see
D         G     A                   Em
Emergency Only, and it’s getting to me

F#m                       Em
Think of yourself with an old age pension
F#m                    Em               
scares the hell out of me not to mention
D                   G
genocide, homicide, five-a-side, suicide
D                     G
matricide, pesticide, law-abide, woe-betide