Indoor fireworks amuse your kitchen staff
Dusting plastic garlic plants
They snigger in the draught
When you ride through the parlour
Wearing nothing but your armour-
Playing indoor games

One string puppet shows amuse
Your sycophantic friends
Who cheer your rancid recipes
In fear they might offend
Whilst you loaf on your sofa
Sporting falsies and a toga-
Playing indoor games, indoor games

Your mean teetotum spins arouse your seventh wife
Who pats her sixty little skins
And reinsures your life
Whilst you sulk in your sauna
'Cos you lost your jigsaw corner-
Playing indoor games, indoor games

Each afternoon you train baboons to sing
Or swim in purple perspex water wings
Come Saturday jump hopper, chelsea brigade
High bender-trender it's all indoor games

No ball bagatelle incites
Your children to conspire
They slide across your frying pan
And fertilize your fire
Still you and jones go madder
Broken bones-broken ladder-
Hey ho