F
This old middle finger
Bb                                        F
Has grown fat and tired from flicking the bird
F
My mouth has grown cankerous
Bb            C
From spitting dirty words
Bb
I feel like a strung out Snuffaluffagus
Bb                                          F
On the south side wearing Vietnamese cowboy clothes
F                                     Bb
And I found out the hard way that the pathway to her heart
                   F
Is not through her nose


[Chorus]
F                        Bb
I'm tired of being rude, ticked-off drunk and crude
   C                                               F
My woman can't bring me home to ma 'cause I am the dude
F                                        Bb
I'm tired of swigging this beer, need to wipe off this ugly sneer
   C                                              F
My woman can't bring me home to pa 'cause I am too weird


[Post-Chorus]
                Bb
And she wants a gentleman
                     F
Nothing more, just a gentle friend


[Verse 2]
             F
It's getting hard to lie through my teeth
 Bb                                        F
'Cause they rotted out and they're not all there
F                                           Bb
I need my old man to wash my mouth out with soap
                                  F
And my mother to scrub this nasty hair
Bb
Why the fuck is a munchkin on the highway?
                                     F
Jumping out a trash can in Congolese cowboy clothes?
Bb
And like a deer transfixed by headlights
                                             F
The bumper crushed his head while I God damn froze


[Chorus]
F                        Bb
I'm tired of being rude, ticked-off drunk and crude
C                                                  F
My woman can't bring me home to ma 'cause I am the dude
F                                        Bb
I'm tired of swigging this beer, need to wipe off this ugly sneer
   C
My woman can't bring me home to pa 'cause I am too weird


[Chorus]
F                        Bb
I'm tired of being rude, ticked-off, drunk and crude
   C                                               F
My woman can't bring me home to ma 'cause I am the dude
F                                Bb
I'm tired of swigging this beer, need to wipe off this ugly sneer
C                                                  F
My woman can't bring me home to pa 'cause I am too queer


[Outro]
F               Bb
And she wants a gentleman
                   F
Nothing more, just gentle friend
                    Bb
Nothing less than a gentleman
                     F
Nothing more, just a gentleman
                     Bb
Nothing less than a gentle friend.
(repeat, ad-lib and fade)