Now, I don't want you folks to misconstrue
What I'm about to say to you
But I'm gonna tell you about the women in my life
Now, I know some gals are real refined
But I always seem to get the other kind
And maybe that's why I've never found a wife

Now, I used to know a gal in Crewe
She was five foot two and eyes of blue
And, well, she told me that her name was Lottie
But I think she was funny in the head
'Cause she used to sleep underneath the bed
Her parents thought she was a little potty

But I kinda liked the way she'd smile
So I went around with her for a while
And I kinda thought of her as my bride-to-be
I said: You're the one girl in my life
And I'd like to have you for my wife
She said: Now, what would your wife do with me?

Beware of wild women, those wild, wild women
Those wild, wild women around
Beware of wild women, those wild, wild women
And never ever let 'em get you down

Now, one day, I met a movie star
She was just getting out of a Rolls-Royce car
And she was all covered in diamonds and mink
Now, I kinda like a gal with money
And this one, well, she was a real honey
So I said: Maybe, one day, you and I could have a little drink

She said: You're just my kinda man
She stuck a phone number in my hand
She said: Now, call me up next time that you're in town
I said: Is this your penthouse?
She said: No: It's the fish and chip shop down below
But you just call me up, and they'll call me down

Beware of wild women, those wild, wild women
Those wild, wild women around
Beware of wild women, those wild, wild women
And never ever let 'em get you down

Now, I was in a Chelsea bar one day
And there was a chap, stood about ten feet away
And we was both admiring a gal about twenty-one
I said: You just can't help but stare
At that cute little chick with the long blonde hair
He said: That chick just happens to be my son

I said: I didn't mean to offend
You must allow me to make amend
I mean, at least let me buy you another rum
I said: You must think me an awful cad
I didn't know you was his dad
He said: I'm not, you twit, I'm his mum!

Beware of wild women, those wild, wild women
Those wild, wild women around
Beware of wild women, those wild, wild women
And never ever let 'em get you down