-All:

Can I tell you a romantic story?
About the one-eyed lady in France
I guess the king decreed, that all the various princes
Should try to get inside her pants

-Matt:

So along came a St. Paul dandy
He was six and a half feet tall
He said "All the little ladies love roses"
She took the roses and that was all

The next man for the one-eyed lady
Was my dignified brother Dan
He said "Bring the little woman some kisses and attention"
She wouldn't even shake his hand

Then I moved into the picture
I was wearing these magic pants
I said "Let the blind bottom of my body do the talking"
She fell into a magic trance

I wore the pants
I said relax
We did a dance
They call the slacks

-John:

Now let me tell you the truth of the story
It was me moving in those pants
Matt said the way to her heart is through her tummy
And then he took her out to restaRANT

-Dan:

Could you both turn down the distortion?
Cause you know I wore the pants
You were both laid out on the floor with no protection
In a deep, dark, watery trance

I wore the pants
I said relax
We did a dance
They call the slacks