D G Seamus’ missus was free with her kisses D A Her lips were delicious and freely would roam D G The only one missin’ his missus fine kissin’ D G A D Was Seamus himself who was never at home D G Seamus’ mistress a maker of mattresses D A Motherly matriarch known on the town D G Would be on her back at the drop of a hat D G A D And the hats they were droppin like flies in that town A G Everyone knew what those two were up to A G But Seamus was oblivious to what seemed very obvious A G Does he need to be told he’s 25 years old D G These two lovely ladies had boatloads of babies D A Parental paternity mostly unknown D G In Seamus’ mind he was one of a kind D G A D And these cartloads of kids were all seeds he had sewn D G To him mattered not that not one of the lot D A Even vaguely resembled this funny old man D G Ferocious fertility and voracious virility D G A D Will prove that he stayed by this bound of a plan A G Everyone knew what those two were up to A G But Seamus was oblivious to what seemed very obvious A G Does he need to be told he’s 55 years old ~Fiddle Solo~ D G All this infidelity and this dishonesty D A Made people uppity some got upset D G They sought a solution to severe in silence D G A D Essential a service so easy to get D G Then time came to mind although not very kind D G To show that poor Seamus that what he’d receive D G To be his dependents were not his descendants D G A And how these two ladies had him deceived A G Everyone knew what these two were up to A G But when they told old Seamus he said I must be famous A G A missus and a mistress and the whole town as a witness A G I think I’m 95 and I’m just glad I’m still alive