I said do something to surprise me
She said: I'm leaving you for a lady
Did I mention she was married
And she was born in the eighties

Black Pontiacs give me a heart attack
I put you on a pedestal I'm taking back
Can't pick up the slack for what you lack
If all my love was wasted all yours meant jack

Your new man is a woman and I just laugh
'Cause I don't even have to ask what I didn't have
By the third time that you left I was a new man
No more shitting on the floor at my friend's

She said do something to surprise me
I said: I need you for nothing
'Cause you never even fucked me
And that's all I wanted this to be

One week removed I'm at a girl's place
Taking off her clothes and she's keeping pace
That's when I called her by your name
She didn't seem to mind and I wasn't ashamed

Your new man is a woman and I just laugh
'Cause I don't even have to ask what I didn't have
By the third time that you left I was a new man
No more shitting on the floor at my friend's

You know I'm only fucking with you
With what I said in verse two
But it doesn't matter what I say
Nobody listens to me anyways

Your new man is a woman and I just laugh
'Cause I don't even have to ask what I didn't have
By the third time that you left I was a new man
No more shitting on the floor at my friend's