Got eighteen months for espionage
Too much brandy for breakfast
And people tend to let you down
It's a swine.
Fantastic life

Dole penicillin to eastern ching plague-ridden
And one thing I have found
What you cast out will hit back
And a man will find he has to deny his
Fantastic life

Ours is not to look back
Ours is to continue the crack

Met a 54 year old dustbin man
And '48 he'd been in Jerusalem
Sold surplus oil to Arab fighters
For M-cocktails to burn Jewish terrorists
What a turn-up!
Fantastic life

Style's too easy to buy nowadays
And there's interference with the mail
And you just can't get out the words
Some people think if they had a job they'd be well
Now!
A fantastic lie!

The Siberian mushroom Santa
Was in fact Rasputin's brother
And he didst walk round Whitechapel
To further the religion of forgiven sin murder
Fantastic lie!

No lie, friend called David
He said he had a barney on Corporation Street
He said he told the policeman what he really thought
But knowing him I don't believe that crap
A Fantastic lie

And I just thought I'd tell you
And I just thought I'd tell you
About fantastic life

And I just thought I'd tell you
Some fantastic lies

And I just thought I'd tell you
And I just thought I'd tell you

I walked right (West) round Wakefield Jail
A fantastic life
And I just thought I'd tell you
And I just thought I'd tell you