It's a creature of habit like a chicken or a rabbit
A slight variation of a household occupation
A freak mishap of chemical negligence
Has spawned a race of hamsters with a super human intelligence

They breed in the evening, read the paper in the morning
They are not quite aware that they are men in gerbil clothing
Domestic in nature, this peaceful little creature
Can have a career as a doctor or a teacher...

As I demonstrate my theory, I can calculate it clearly
Withdraw this meager species... the hamster
Science mistakenly made a mess
And put this animal out of text
Accidental experimentation extend-o-noodle
Rat-like animal must die

A standing ovation, a cross-pollination
Of a hamster and a human, and odd combination
A pea-sized brain now the size of a shoe
A family pet, a business man, a short-tailed rodent?

You will rarely see the these hamsters on an exercise wheel
They are highly advanced with no cardiovascular feel
More important is work, and this they excel
Can we market these rodents and sell, sell, sell

As I exercise my theorem, I will dissect this hairy rodent
Remove it's mutated grey matter... behold
Will I kill this unfortunate beast?
Does it matter to say the least
For society doesn't give a shit about
Those poor gazelles in Africa either