You never really looked certain
In a rented wedding suit from Burton's;
You kicked a football into the net curtains
And broke your mother's heart.
You used to be the family favourite
But now you keep on keeping up the neighbours
Selling E's to all the cheesy quavers
The Smiths died with Tom Jones

Colchester Christopher,
Sweetness and vinegar,
Gold rings and new trainers to
Grey Borstal pullover;

Always someone getting on your nerves,
Making jokes you shouldn't have overheard
There's always someone asking to get hurt
With your snooker stick

Colchester Christopher
Sweetness and vinegar
Gold rings and new trainers to
Grey Borstal pullover

Christopher from Colchester
Time off for good behaviour
Christopher from Colchester
Time off for good behaviour

Colchester Christopher
Sweetness and vinegar
Gold rings and new trainers to
Grey Borstal pullover

Christopher from Colchester
Time off for good behaviour
Christopher from Colchester
Time off for good behaviour

Christopher from Colchester
Time off for good behaviour
Christopher from Colchester
Was a born f-f-f-failure

Christopher from Colchester
Time off for good behaviour
Christopher from Colchester
Was a born f-f-f-failure

Christopher...