G                               D              G  
Brain-storming habit-forming battle-warning weary  
                                             D  
winsome actor spewing spineless chilling lines  
                                 D  
the critics falling over to tell themselves he's  
G                                       D  
 boring and really not an awful lot of fun.  
       C                               D  
Well who the hell can he be when he's never had V.D.,  
G                                  A  
and he doesn't even sit on toilet seats?  
   
   Court-jesting, never-resting  
       D  
    he must be very cunning  
                 G  
to assume an air of dignity  
      B       E          A             B  
and bless us all with his oratory prowess,  
        E            A            E              B  
his lame-brained antics and his jumping in the air.  
        E            A  
And every night his act's the same  
       E            C                      Am  
and so it must be all a game of chess he's playing   
``But you're wrong, Steve: you see, it's only solitaire.''