Hey kid, everyone's waiting on you, kid Everyone's wondering what you'll do, kid It's true, kid Me too, kid Hey kid, we're so excited just to know you'll soon be here Say kid, we're both delighted though it may not seem so clear But I did my OB rotations so I know my ins-ands-outs And you're an act if God's creation so I'm fine with all the doubts I'm a doctor and a soldier, I've been shelled and under fire But kid, if I say that you don't scare me, I'm a liar Now kid, you did surprise me though I know the facts of life Wow kid, it terrifies me just to say, "My pregnant wife." 'Cause kid, I gotta tell you I'm not ready not a bit There's this macho act I'll sell you, while inside I lose my shit It's not that I don't want you, 'cause I do despite my fears But kid, is it true you'll stick around for eighteen years Then the call comes on the iPhone I grab a cab cross town I find her on the fourth floor They've got her in a gown She's never looked less lovely She's a grump and she's got gas And the labor's eighteen hours Oh my God kid, move your ass Then at last you make your entrance And kid you're quite a sight I'll be honest you're disgusting But I know that you're all right Though your screaming and you're spitting And I can't quite see your charms They clean you and they clothe you and they put you in my arms And I realize in an instant that I've known you all along That I've wanted you forever that I'll never do you wrong And whatever this world comes to Whatever comes our way I will watch and protect you I promise kid, we'll be okay We'll be okay We'll be okay, kid I feel like yelling, ring the bell and bang the drum Say kid, there's just no telling all the things that you'll become And I think we'll have some fun here Your mom and you and me But before your time is done here Kid of mine, I hope you'll see That this life is what you make it It's cliche which means it's true And kid, it makes my life to know I helped make you As a father, kid, I may not have a clue But your mom and me will somehow muddle through If my asshole dad can do it, I can too In fact, I'll do better. I'll start new 'Cause kid, my kid, our kid I love you!