Act II

SCENE NINE
A TOKEN OF MY EXTREME

Arriving at L. Ron Hoover's modernistic office / cathedral / ware-house /
condominium complex, Joe is greeted by a pre-recorded message and
a dramatically illuminated image on a wall-sized TV screen...

L. RON HOOVER:
Welcome to the First Church of Appliantology!
The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only!

Don't you be
Tarot-fied
It's just a token of my extreme
Don't you be
Tarot-fied
It's just a token of my extreme
Don't you never try to look behind my eyes
You don t wanna know what they have seen
Don't you never try to look behind my eyes
You don't wanna know what they have seen

JOE: (thinking to himself)
Some people think
That if they go too far
They'll never get hack
To where the rest of them are
I might be crazy
But there's one thing I know
You might be surprised
At what you find when ya go!

And thus, having rationalized his expedition to L. Ron's modernistic office /
cathedral / warehouse / condominium complex, JOE seeks The Answer to
his problem...

JOE:
Oh oh oh
Mystical Advisor
What is my problem, tell me
Can you see?

L. RON HOOVER:
Well, you have nothing to fear, my son!
You are a Latent Appliance Fetishist, It appears to me!

JOE:
That all seems very, very strange
I never craved a toaster
Or a color T. V.

L. RON HOOVER:
A Latent Appliance Fetishist
Is a person who refuses to admit to his or herself
That sexual gratification can only be achieved
Through the use of MACHINES... Get the picture?

JOE:
Are you telling me
I should come out of the closet now Mr. Ron?

L. RON HOOVER:
No, my son!
You must go into THE CLOSET
And you will have
A lot of fun!
That's where they all live
So if you want an
Appliance to love you
You'll have to go in there
N' get you one

JOE:
Well...that seems simple enough...

L. RON HOOVER:
Yes, but if you want a really GOOD one,
You'll have to learn a foreign language...

JOE:
German, for instance?

L. RON HOOVER:
That's right...
A lot of really cute ones come from over there!
(Fifty bucks, please)

And a cheerful group of Appliantologists dance into the room wearing
aluminum foil lab smocks, lock arms in a circle around JOE, making
sure he pays in full, all the while singing with L. RON as he delivers
nis final instructions...

L. RON HOOVER:
If you been
Mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion,
an yer in between
Don't you be
Tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin,'
So what can it mean?
If you been
Mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion,
an yer in between
Don't you be
Tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin,
So what can it mean?
(etc., etc., etc.)