E|-----|
B|--3--|
G|--1--|
 E7  D|--2--|
A|--2--|
E|--0--|


Dm E7

Am     Dm     E7
Am     Dm     E7

             Am
Back in the not-too-distant past
              Dm
When I would need a quick repast
      E7                       Am
Or a temporary break from my agenda
            
Off to the bedroom I would head
               Dm
Pull out the Playboy from 'neath the bed
             E7                             Am
And sneak a peek at all the portraits of pudenda

      Dm
My alternatives were slim
                     Am
If I tried to find another source for sin
                               E7
I'd have to hang out with the weirdos in the back room of my local 
 Am
video store
                    Dm
But last month I finally made the call
                   Am
I got a brand new cable modem installed
                       E7
And it opened up the floodgates on a whole new universe of 
 Am
Internet porn

           Dm
(Internet porn) Roman orgy scenes
           Am
(Internet porn) dominatrix queens
           E7
(Internet porn) girl on girl on girl on girl on girl on guy on sheep
           Dm
(Internet porn) gross anatomy
           Am
(Internet porn) Pam and Tommy Lee
           E7                                              Am
(Internet porn) when you're given so much to choose from, who has time to sleep?

Interlude:      Am      Dm      E7

          Dm
After my girlfriend goes to sleep
                           Am
Then I get out of bed and down the hall I creep
                          E7                        Am 
So I can hunker down and wallow in depravity until 3:00 or 4:00
                      Dm
You'll always find me in that same tableau
                   Am
Silhouetted by my monitor's warm glow
                       E7                           Am    
And absorbing all the bounty from the cornucopia of Internet porn

Dm      Am      E7      Am                     
(Internet porn) barely legal teens
(Internet porn) naughty figurines
(Internet porn) geriatric German grandmas spanking Spanish men
(Internet porn) erotic Asian art
(Internet porn) guys with extra parts
(Internet porn) I don't think I'm ever going to see the sun again

(Internet porn) there's my neighbor's mom
(Internet porn) bikers wearing diapers chasing nurses dressed like Smurfs
(Internet porn) Maison l'Esclavage
(Internet porn) un, deux, trois menage
(Internet porn) every kind of smut from every corner of the Earth